Tucker

I wouldn't have thought that I would write a blog on Tucker. Tucker was a dog of ours that we recently had put down. He was about 10 years old and had a blockage that was probably a tumor and his liver was failing badly. We had him buried in my sister in laws backyard alongside her two dogs that have passed.
Why am I writing a blog about a dog? Not only why am I writing about a dog, but why am I writing about Tucker? He wasn't the most memorable of the dogs I have had as far as personality. I have had 3 a Great Danes and we also have Flanders, a Labrador Retriever,  the types of dogs that are full of personality and energy. Big puppies no matter how old they are. Tucker was a mix of we don't know what, and would be content to lie by the fireplace all day. He would occasionally go out and chase a ball, but after three of four throws, he was done and would go explore the bushes while Flanders would continue for seemingly endless runs.
I was away, training some youth in Oregon when Wendy had Tucker put down. I wasn't surprised when I got the news. He had been throwing up the days before I left and it was obvious he didn't feel well. We had also been told that his liver was failing and he wouldn't be around for many more years, if any, so it wasn't a surprise. What surprised me was my response. I cried. It really caught me off guard to cry. Not that I don't like dogs, I love dogs! It's just that I would not have thought I would have cried about Tucker. For the years we had him, in many ways there were more challenges with him that some would consider unreasonable to deal with.
Because Tucker had seizures, for unknown reasons, he was on medication from the day we had him. The kind of medication usually used for adults. Phenobarbytol, valium and other medications to either prevent or reduce the number and duration of the seizures, which usually were about a month apart. As a result of the medications, Tucker was always sort of "stoned" or sedated to the point where he would usually just lie there by the fireplace. He would show some personality when it was time to go in the backyard for a run after the ball, or when popcorn was popped and shared with the dogs. Tucker might even get one or two pieces unless Flanders, who was very serious about getting all of it, would move him out of the way. Tucker never squawked, he just stepped aside and waited for more.
Sometimes during his two to three day bouts with seizures, he would lose bowel control. If it happened in the middle of the night, the room he was in would be filled with the residue, as he would wander the room and spread it around.
The cost of the medicine was the same as any adult would pay, and of course medical insurance does not cover medication for dogs.
So, why the tears? Since I was out of town when he was put down, I was not there when Wendy and my son Jackson buried him. On Thursday this week, Jackson took me to see Tuckers grave and headstone (yes, a headstone...Wendy's sisters chipped in and bought a headstone for him). When we were there, I thought of his little body that was there. A body he had been given along with all it's challenges. Not to omit, we got Tucker when he was about three, from a shelter. He had also been bused physically and left to starve before being picked up by a rescue shelter.
As I stood over his grave and thought about his body being down there, the emotion came back up. Again, I wondered why? Here was this dog, not a perfect dog, a dog with physical flaws and challenges, such that because of the medications he was on, his true personality was probably hidden, and the meds probably hastened the end of his life. Yet, through it all, in spite of his abuse and starvation, in spite of his seizures, when he came to our family, he just offered, in the way he could, the opportunity to love him, and he loved back. He didn't ask to have seizures, he just went through them and loved us the same. He didn't ask to be medicated, but even though he was numbed out a bit, he still found a way to love us.
As I stood over his grave, and even now with tears welling in my eyes, I ponder his life, who he was, and how through it all, he was and is just unconditional love. I hope he now is somewhere where his body is whole, where he can run and play and be the real nature of who he truly is, without the numbing effects of his medication. He is buried alongside Zoe and Rex, two dogs of my sister in law, who passed in the last two years. I hope Tucker is somewhere with them and my other dogs, Vixen, Mariah, Alphie and Tommy. Running and playing and being all of who he is. I think he knew and knows we loved him. I hope he knows we did what we did at the end because we loved him and didn't want him to suffer anymore. I look forward to seeing him and who he truly is. I do believe in a heaven. I do believe that when we get there, we re-unite with those we loved, it wouldn't be a heaven otherwise. I do trust and believe that includes our dogs.
May you run now in peace, Tucker, and thank you for the lessons and love you shared as best you could. You are in our hearts!

Comments

[Raine Willis]

Thanks for making me cry while at work. Heaven wouldn't be a heaven if there weren't dogs there.

Dogs have all the character and traits we as humans aspire to: They love unconditionally, they are quick to forgive, they don't judge, they are always happy... What a beautiful thing.

There is no doubt in my mind that God sent my dogs to me so that my life would be a little more rich, a little sweeter and a little fuller. I too, have been silently loved through big brown eyes and wet slobbery kisses. Nothing better..